HOLDING ON // RANDOM THOUGHTS

 

And don’t reveal too much about who you are. I’ve heard this line enough times that I tried to adapt this as something I could live by but I failed every-time. Every second, every minute and every hour something happens in our lives. There’s so much going on that maybe our mind hardly conceives the importance of the moment. And so, I let it out of my mind. Because in the long run, the mind clutters and no matter how many people around you stay ready with a set of patient ears to hear your tale, you’ll fail to express.

 It’s sad to see how we can’t trust people. It’s all too complex and messy. I wish of a world where loving someone won’t hurt us, where just a raindrop could rejuvenate our dead-dry soul, where suffering and pain wouldn’t catalyze manmade prejudice. Too unreal. And maybe ironical as well. I wonder If I am a narcissistic person. Always stuck in my head, fantasizing people, then comparing them with something that I wasn’t and I’ll never be. Observing, contemplating and questioning my way of being. Each day passing claustrophobically with me and my thinking. Sounds narcissistic to me, he-he!

At times, my actions, words and even my existence seems trivial. It feels like lying naked on a beach all by yourself at midnight. Waves rising and crashing. Sand prickling on skin. Crickets chirping and the moon luminating a kind of light that won’t hurt one’s eyes. Losing the sense of time. Not being in love yet feeling lost. Just being immersed in watching high overwhelming tides trying to scare you and then letting them die slowly, merely kissing your foot. Just letting life pass by without even intending to waste it.

So, I watch everything I desire to possess turning into a mirage. Aware of my capability to do the things I love but still holding on. Holding on to the day dreams, sleepless nights, the comforting lies, music that halts my mind’s chatter, books that save my day, and to the hope of “It’s gonna be alright”,

-    Rawwn

16^th October 2021

1:13 A.M